Honestly, I’ve put more time and thought into what my first, true post would be about than actually writing it. As I searched for different topic ideas for me to write about, or just thinking of an awesome experience I had, I realized that a good 98.7% of you don’t really know me or anything about my life; the .7 sounds more interesting that just saying 98 percent. Anyways, the best way for you to know me is to hear my story. I used to be really embarrassed and ashamed of my past, but now it’s something that I embrace with confidence.
To start things off, I want to express how blessed I am to be born into such an amazing family. I have both my parents, and siblings- most of you know I have a brother, Anthony, but I also have a sister and her name is Bianca. I don’t really see her or talk to her, but she’s still my sister. We sometimes over look the things most of us are fortunate to have, a complete and full family. I was born and raised for a good chunk of my childhood in Pembroke Pines, Florida. Had many friends, went to an amazing charter school (Somerset REPRESENT!) and pretty much just an extremely bubbly, happy, little girl. Being bubbly lead me to become really dang clumsy. I’ve broken and sprained bones, and had so many bruises and scrapes from falling all the time. Only thing I got out of being clumsy for so many years is that I have a pretty high pain tolerance, so I guess that’s a plus. My parents have always been an important factor in my life, and my brother and I were extremely close growing up. We’ve shared so many wonderful memories as a family. I think I’ve gone to Disney World at least 94 times (not kidding, my parents keep track). I could go on and on about how much I love Disney, but I’ll save that for another time. I was 8 years old when my parents decided to move up to Boynton Beach, and although I was still really young when we moved and my parents didn’t think it would affect me, it completely changed my life. I lost all my friends, gave up baton twirling due to there being no team anywhere in all of West Palm Beach, and had a extremely difficult time adjusting to life in a new place. After spending two years in public school, my mom was able to get a job at a private school in Boca Raton. I had finally just started making friends and then boom, new school. Not going to mention much of it, but home life wasn’t the greatest for me growing up, so school was my escape from reality.
Before I start this little segment I want to make known that at the time I did love my school, and I’ve made so many wonderful memories while going to school there. I got into cheerleading, made some great friends, and tons of memories that I am so thankful to be a part of and will cherish forever. Yes, I can look back and smile from everything I gained from there, but I also can cry and get angry for things I had to deal with. I was there from 5th grade all the way through high school, so I basically grew up in that school-a soon to be toxic environment for me. I was teased for anything you could think of; being “poor”, living in a “ghetto” area, not rich enough, not skinny enough, didn’t have materialistic items that others had, whatever it was I did not feel good enough. I had already started having somewhat of a depression issue when we moved up here, but I truly believe that my school brought it out even more. It’s not like I didn’t have friends, I actually had great friends at Heritage, but things just weren’t getting easier for me. One thing I loved about being at my school was that my brother was there too and some of his closest friends became my brothers… shoutout to Zeke and D for being some of the greatest big bros in my life and looking out for me all the time! Middle school seriously sucked… hit with rubber bands, teased for more things, crying myself to sleep a lot, and my depression became a serious issue as I started battling against self harm. I just couldn’t wait for high school to start. High school came and though I stayed at the same school things were starting to get slightly easier, slowly but surely. I was on the varsity cheerleading team, had the greatest circle of friends and I thought that my depression was starting to end. One night I had a long talk with my mom about my future, in and out of school. I started seeing things in a different light and left my comfort zone of friends and hung out with the cheerleaders instead. To this day I feel absolutely terrible because I ended friendships that I should have never ended. But that’s how high school is, you sometimes end up leaving your comfort zone, and start taking risks. I made some of my greatest memories my sophomore year! Did pretty decent in school, didn’t get into any fights, went to states (to cheer for the football team for the championship) and won, and had people that I will always consider some of my best friends- Cahjanae, we ride together, we die together, bad boys for life! I loved how everything was turning out, I was the happiest I’ve been in a long time, or at least I thought everything was going great. Mid junior year I took a gamble and dated a guy who was my best friend in high school and it was the biggest mistake of my life. Senior year came and so did “heart break”. The guy I dated made my depression so incredibly awful,probably the worse it’s ever been. He broke my heart when we ended our relationship but after two days I was fine and moved on with life, but it all made me completely insecure and made me put up walls with anyone I came in contact with. One thing I always did at heritage was stand up for myself, even though a great majority of the time I handled things in the worst way. Due to so much drama throughout the years past, I graduated school early in the year. When you go to an expensive private school for free, and you’re not going to college with a sport or huge academic scholarship, the school looks at you like you’re nothing but wasted space. The school gave me my diploma 4 months early and told me not to return. I wasn’t able to walk at graduation, couldn’t go to prom, or experience anything with my peers the rest of the school year.
I was actually pretty happy though because I got to start college early and get away from the toxic high school life. After a semester and half of college I decided that I wasn’t ready for any type of schooling and decided to put my future career as a marine biologist, a dream of mine since age 4, on hold. I worked full time and focused on loving and bettering myself. Once again things are going great and then what do you know, I meet a guy at the end of 2014. I didn’t think I would feel the way for anyone the way I felt for my last boyfriend. I knew him for less than a week before we became something serious… yes it was rushed, no I don’t regret it. I fell hard for him, and anyone who knew me while dating him knew how crazy I was about him. For a year and a half I dealt with more home struggles than ever before, and he was there by my side. We had a lot of issues though and our fair share at fights, a lot of them. After a year and half of wonderful memories and too many fights we called it quits. It broke me, but I knew it would be a great decision later on in life.
One thing I gained while dating Teddy, was my faith. Yes, I was always a believer of Christ, but I never surrendered my life to Him and in the beginning of 2015 my faith started becoming more important. I joined the most amazing church I could ever dream of and started building my life around it. Christ Fellowship has held the biggest place in my heart and ever since I gave my heart to Christ on Good Friday in 2015 I knew I made the greatest decision. I gained a church family, I was slowly becoming confident in myself, home issues started fading away, and I found a place where I knew I belonged. I was baptized, started up college again, still serving in the most amazing ministries ever, met some of the most influential people in my life and truly found happiness.
I could honestly write a book on my whole life because I know I missed some things while writing this, but that’s okay. To the people who have hurt me in my past, I forgive you and I thank you. You’ve made me a stronger person. You helped me realize that I can go through all of Hell and I’ll still be okay because I am a child of God. I’m loved by Him, He knew my struggles I was going through, and I know that He let me go through so much pain in life so I could help others who struggle and are too afraid to talk to someone. If anyone has ever been through hard times and you don’t know who to talk to, no matter who you are, you can ALWAYS talk to me. I know what it’s like to not have someone there when you’re struggling in life. I hope that after reading my story you either walk away with a few different things. I hope that you have a better understanding of who I am. I hope that if you’re struggling with something, you can find a friend in me to talk to and won’t judge you. For those of you who currently know me but didn’t know anything about my past, I hope that you see the amazing transformation I’ve made in life to become that sincerely happy woman I am today. I truly do believe that the best is yet to come, and that God is just preparing me for more blessings than He has already given me!
Thanks for taking your time to read all of this!!!
Love you all, forever💕